If Insanity Were an Option...

I began to think about it today, in my mid-afternoon mental wanderings, what if we could choose insanity. You know, just like we could choose to be positive, or choose to be negative, or choose to have a side salad with dinner that night. What if we could choose to be insane? I thought to myself, really, would that be so bad?

If I were insane...

I would sit in a wheelchair and be pushed around just so I could feed imaginary birds jelly beans...

with bows in my hair.

I would argue with myself because I would only have the best of intentions. And you know where those lead.

I would only sit at the edge of my seat so people would think I was expectant of something, but really it was just because I want to be the first to leave in case of a sinking ship.
(Did you see the Titanic? Hello)

I would tell people their futures as if I were certain it would come true.

But really, I would just make it up right there on the spot.

I would talk to strangers as if they were old, dear friends I had known for years, and when I say goodbye, I would say, "It was nice meeting you!"

I would wear trench coats in the summer with big dark sunglasses and hide behind newspapers.

I would pay for my groceries using the Euro but ask for my change in US currency.

I would carry a hamster in a ball in my purse. Just because I can.

I would feed it. No worries.

I would order my food in restaurants to be served on separate plates. To be honest I don't know why I don't do this now.

I would wear the same outfit everyday in different shades, from darkest to lightest.

I would never be a cat lady. They make me sneeze -- the cats do that is, not the ladies -- but I should begin to collect something. Maybe toothpicks? Bottle caps? Twisty ties?

Note to self: find something to collect...

I would alphabetize my soups but put my fruit basket in numerical order.

Sadly, I am not insane...

Life is quite ordinary for me. I do not feed imaginary birds. Or anything else peculiar or idiosyncratic. One can only think that sanity is the true insanity.